Iceman...the later years

No, Tom, that's the 9:35 out of Tampa...

Iceman...the later years

One of my favorite SNL skits.

Santa's experience with the FAA

The FAA sent an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.

The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, let’s take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."

Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! What’s the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.

The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there’s going to be an engine failure on takeoff."

(Thanks to Dean at Avidyne for that one.)

Physics Jokes

Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He begins to open his wallet when the bartender says, "For you, no charge!"

(Thanks to Jared for the first one.)

Warm wishes from the ACLU

An Overdue Visit

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation
Friends of Freedom knew it was a special occasion.
Lady Liberty stood taller just off the shore
Her torch shining brighter than a few weeks before

But it wasn't the flame turning her cheeks all rosy
It was thoughts of Snowe, Feingold and Nancy Pelosi
And leaders from every side of the aisle
Who would soon bring the Bill of Rights back into style.

The Amendments had all hurried out of their beds -
Which was no easy task, they were nearly in shreds -
And they rushed to the window on papery feet
As a jolly old man flew right over their street.

"Could it be!?" they inquired as the roof shook and trembled
And they crept toward the mantle, peaceably assembled,
Just as someone emerged from the chimney with flair
In a shiny red suit, with a shock of white hair

And a top hat, and pants all in red, white and blue -
"Wait a minute," the Amendments exclaimed, "Who are you?"
"Don't be frightened my children," he said, "it's no scam.
"You can't have forgotten your old Uncle Sam!"

"Holy crap!" said Free Speech. "Stop right there!" yelled Bear Arms
And Privacy cried "Who shut off the alarms?!"
The Fifth remained silent, but Uncle Sam said
"We've been having some trouble, but Freedom's not dead."

The Amendments were cautious. "It's just been so long
"We've seen Liberty lost, we've seen so much go wrong.
"The President's trying to mangle and warp us,
"The Fourth is in tatters, so's Habeas Corpus!"

The old man sat down - he had had quite a ride -
But he told them "Don't worry, the Law's on our side,
"'Cause the nation's fed up and more people are crying
"For Justice and an end to illegal spying,

"And secret abductions by the CIA,
"And laws that would take women's choices away,
"And Gitmo tribunals and secret detention,
"And other intrusions too numerous to mention - "

"Not so fast," said a grinchity voice from above
And Don Rumsfeld pushed past the Fourteenth with a shove.
He was covered in soot and he looked kind of scary.
It seemed like his Christmas had not been so merry.

The Amendments said they weren't happy to see him:
"You tried to throw all of us in the museum!
"You've done so much the Constitution forbids!"
"And I would have gone on, but for you meddling kids!"

Uncle Sam told him "Rummy, your plans just won't do,
"So we've got a brand new timetable for you!"
And as Rumsfeld retired and crept into the night
The Amendments cried out "Have a good secret flight!"

From the distance they heard him reply with a snort.
"Bye-bye, Rummy!" they answered, "we'll see you in court!"
Uncle Sam rode the chimney up out of the room
And, like Frosty, he said "I'll be back again soon."

But they heard him exclaim "Oh, and just one more thing!
"This year, when the holiday bells start to ring,
"Try to honor religion. Honest faith can't be wrong.
"It's America, can't we all just get along?

"So, on Christian," he cried, "Muslim, Hindu, and Jew!
"On Quaker! On Shaker! And Atheist too!
"On Buddhist! On Taoist! And to show we're not chickens
"We'll file a few lawsuits defending the Wiccans!

"Your belief is your right, so get out there and savor it.
"Uncle Sam's not a preacher, and he doesn't play favorites!"
So this holiday season, whatever you do,
Warmest wishes for Freedom, from the ACLU.


From an ACLU newsletter.

Iraq Study Group Report

I highly recommend reading the Iraq Study Group Report. If you don't have an hour or two, at least read the executive summary. The report is a well thought-out, frank assessment of the situation with recommendations that range from obvious to quite insightful. The 79 recommendations are for both the US and the Iraqi government, as well as some international organizations. While the group's assessment of the situation is bleak, its recommendations are put forward in an optimistic manner.

If you read the report, be sure to start with the appendix. There is a good biography of the members of the study group, along with a list of the interviewees...ranging from Bush to most senior members of the Iraqi government, Tony Blair to Gen. George Casey. It provides a useful framework for reading the full report.

I hope the administration, congress, and the Iraqi government move forward with these recommendations in order to achieve peace in the region.

Self-Parking Lexus

This feature is worth paying big bucks for! The user-interface is impressive (not!).

Lexus Self-Parking Video

Make sure you watch until the end...

XM and Sirius Satellite Animation

Check out this cool animation of the XM and Sirius satellites:


(click to see the animated version)

The XM Satellites (Rock, Roll, Rhythm) are in a circular geosynchronous (geostationary) orbits, so their position around the earth remains stationary. The Sirius sats (Radiosat 1-4, not as creative), however, move in an ellipitical orbit pattern that appears as a figure-8 when overlayed on this projection of the globe. These satellites trace out an analemma in the sky. While they spend a lot of time over South America, they cannot be used since they are out of line of sight with the ground station in NJ. I wonder why they don't build a 2nd ground station in South America and then sell more subscriptions down there?

There are also ground stations for both XM and Sirius.

Cheapest Beer in Faneuil Hall Area

I highly recommend An Tain, a pseudo-Irish themed bar near Faneuil Hall. No cover last night (Friday) and $2 Molsens and $3 Sparks (which are absolutely disgusting--Evan, how did you drink four of them in one hour?). It was a bit of an odd scene, but worth it for possibly the cheapest beer in Boston.